Strat41

Strategy 41 from "Think Like an Editor" discusses the process of writing headlines both for print and Web media outlets. The third assignment asks to select some local headlines that may need some improvement. I chose the following headlines from The Palm Beach Post's website Sunday morning.
1. Tampa project creating original works for Broadway: The writers of "Think Like an Editor" give many tips in the process of writing headlines. One of the first pieces of advice given to the reader is to "play is straight." The writers reiterate the importance of not only identifying the main idea of a story in a headline but also making sense. When I read this headline the first, second and third time, I still had no idea what this story was about. Headlines are supposed to answer that question immediately - especially on the Web. This headline does have a verb, which keeps it from being a label headline. Also, it doesn't include any puns or plays on the names of people. What this headline lacks is keywords that describe the main idea of the story. I found myself asking, "What kind of project is it? What kind of works are they creating?"
Rewrite: Tampa arts project creating, perfecting Broadway shows
I realize this headline is a longer than the original, but space on a website is much more malleable than in print. I think this headline is better not only because it says what kind of arts project is occurring in Tampa but also because it more accurately explains what the project is doing.
2. 2nd man charged in corrections guard, son's death: I think one of the main problems of this headline is the grammar confusion. It wasn't until I read the story that I realized two deaths were being discussed.
Rewrite: 2nd man charged in correction guard, son's deaths
I realize this is a minor revision; however, attention to detail is what determines the effectiveness of a headline.
3. Reverse prostitution sting snags 19 Johns in Lake Worth: This headline, I believe, has a few problems the writers of "Think Like an Editor" outlined. First, many readers may not know the meaning "sting" in terms of crime. The use of this word takes away from the use of a more meaningful and effective word in the headline. Also, "snags" does not accurately explain what happened to the 19 men, and I think it sounds like jargon. Finally, though the term "Johns" in this context may be well known, people named John may take offense to their name being used in this way.
Rewrite: Female cops disguised as prostitutes arrest 19
I believe this headline more effectively conveys the meaning of the story. Female sheriff's deputies arrested these men by posing as prostitutes. They did not sting or snag 19 men named John.